So -- a long overdue report form the road....my, where to begin? It's been over 2 weeks now, traveling by plane, train, automobile and tuk-tuk (little motorcycles rigged up to have people in a back cart (e.g. 20 locals or 4 big fat Americans).....

After 10 days in China I can truly call my departure into Laos an ESCAPE...yep....

I can pretty much sum up things...As I have traveled for the past years Man Made things (yes...I AM being PC...most STUFF is built by men) have less and less attraction for me. What I find TRULY amazing is a spot of earth that has been spared the development/exploitation of human beings...there is less pf it w/ every passing year.

So...while the Forbidden City is a sight to behold ... what I find that stops me in my Teva foot tracks going through Tiananmen Square is how many LIVES have been sacrificed for the sake of a few egos....crazy ego-centric despots....that had the resources to put their bizarre whims into action.

Garbage. pollution, major noise factor and people running around like an over-populated anthill.....I escaped to some of the relative tranquility of Laos where I take the time to reflect a bit.

Luang Prabang...20 years ago this place was reportedly a backwater Royal capital of the northern province. Today it has become a "cultural theme park where the locals play 2-bit character roles"...not my words but those of a travel writer.  Gosh .. I wish I had said that because it really sums it up. A French Colonial city with plenty of vestiges of the tropical breezes drifting through louvered teak windows, green palms, white-washed stucco buildings groaning under the weight of their historic tales ... waiting to be told, if one is wiling to stop and read the story on their worn surfaces.

This is essentially taking the Las Vegas crowd and flying them all down here and dumping them on the town of Luang Prabang. population 20,000 residents. of which every 5th one seems to be the stereotypic saffron-robed monk. Only difference is no casinos here  and this is a ...drum roll......World Heritage City!!!!!!!! Do a Google search on the grand list of requisites need to meet the criteria. I'd infer such a designation is the Kiss of Death for any historic place wishing to keep its tranquility.

Yep, the place is over run with white trash tourists, costumed out in shorts, skimpy tank tops, guys with no shirts etc....did I mention this is a cultural theme park?

Okay...I'm out of here day after tomorrow...hop a boat and up the mighty Mekong ( read, "Big Open Sewer") and into Thailand. More of the same, I'm afraid, from what I glean from the Lonely Planet guide book. I'll minimize the Tourist Trap exposure by limiting my travels to up in the northern part and then heading down to Cambodia, Vietnam and then back up into the BIG GIANT, China.

You know, I was traveling in a Chinese over-night sleeper bus (read, "Little Metal Bed 6 Inches Too Short and 5 Inches Too Narrow for Big White Guy")--16 hours on the thing ....yep, a Chinese water torture without the dripping water -- and after 14 hours I was ready to tell every major U.S. military secret I knew.... like ... ahhh ... how much beef  is in the SOS at the mess hall (none...its all soy substitute).

So where was I...oh yes ... still back on the Chinese Torture Box on wheels ... it was 16 hours on that thing going out of Kunming, the last "little village" of 10 million people...

End of the train line, Round Eyes, and get on the bus if you want a REAL Chinese experience.  I'll spare you the details --  you may be eating...

I made it down to Mengla, the last (truly...nooo kidding this time) town in China ... still a 3 hour tuk-tuk ride to the Lao/China border, then across the Chinese side and into the Frontier.   Then yet another tuk-tuk ride with the requisite crates of chickens, locals staring at me with that, "How the hell did YOU get here, stupid White Man, and do you have an escape plan?" look...you know the one.

At the Laos check point I met a Chinese businessman who offered to take me in his private car down to Luang Prabang.  I'm sure I embarrassed him when I fell to the ground crying, blubbering my thanks and kissing his shoes. A trip for $5.

Ten hours later and he dumps me in Luang Prabang, where I discover that he neglected to add the "0" onto his  5  when we were negotiating a price...it  was $50...but I was glad to pay  it.  Really...I was alive ... there had been a series of episodes on the road when it seemed clear that I would be unlikely to make that claim.  This dude was in a hurry.  Maybe it had something to do with the boxes....I mean ... a HUGE amount of cash in his trunk...This guy was the National Bank of China on Wheels...a one-upmanship on the drive through teller -- he pulls up to the side of YOUR car.

All in all, that trip south enlightened me as to where the term Chinese fire drill comes from.  Only the U.S. version has never involved the beloved tuk-tuk -- just wait -- they ARE coming to a city near YOU.

Okay.  I have been going on here for long enough -- tangential, perhaps, frenetic and confused, partially completed thoughts and descriptions that lead nowhere and it is too confusing to read through the word salad to see if maybe there is something of logic in it...yep...welcome to MY MIND while in SE Asia.

Maybe I have some sort of weird brain worm.....Side effects of the ant malaria pills?

Doing well...wish you were here.....don't reply to this or you may get another one of these missives....yes...that IS a threat.

Shalom,

Morris
cptlouie@yahoo.com