EXERCISE CLASS = MARCHES by Bud Smith, Shell Point VIllage

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OBSERVATIONS

Old Hurricane Ike is really blowing,=20

He=92s already been a = four,

You better remove your sombrero,=20 Jose,

He=92s heading for the Mexican shore.=20 =93Si!=94

Mary Ruth knows all the = birds,

And where they go to = rest.

The one thing she won=92t tell=20 us,

Is=20 which one tastes the best.

Go=20 walk your dog around the lake at night,

If=20 you have the nerve.

=91Cause that big old = alligator

Enjoys a free hors d-oeuvre.=20

You know they=92re having the Olympics=20

Over in China this=20 year.

Boy, we can=92t wait = until

They have them here.

We=20 may not get a gold medal

For running, jumping or=20 walking,

But we have the gold medal in the=20 bag

If=20 they have one for talking!

To=20 those who attend this exercise class,

I=92m sure you realize, =

That anything can happen here,=20

But you do not get a = prize.

MARY FERRILL

I=20 truly believe that Shell Point

Has a lot of things to = offer,

But, Mary, it can=92t be true that you came to =

work

In=20 a flying saucer.

You know that Ray got you last week,=20

And, boy, what a = surprise

When he said that they call you =93Big=20 Mary=94

For your mouth and not your=20 size.

If=20 Mary keeps practicing,

She=92ll qualify as a stripper, =

Did you see the tricks she = did

With her pants = zipper?

She went up on her = toes

And did a spin-around, =

And all that time that = zipper

Was going up and = down.

Now I can=92t wait

To=20 see those pants again,

Do=20 you think she=92ll use some duct tape

Or=20 a big ole safety pin?

Did you know that golf is=20 something

Jim Ferrell really loves to=20 play?

And that is why he makes = sure

That Mary goes to work every=20 day.

We=20 know who stayed up for the count

It=20 really is no surprise,

Just take a look at = Mary,

See her beady little red = eyes.

Mary, my friend, I have to tell=20 you,

Be=20 careful what you do.
There=92s a man from the Arbor with a=20 net,

And he=92s outside watching = you!

Jim called about Mary=92s Birthday=20 Dinner,

And this is what he = said,

=93Man, did she have a real good=20 time,

Her nose was all bright = red!=94

Mary Ferrill is our = leader,

For stretching, lifting and=20 walking,

And she=92d be a gold medal=20 winner

If=20 they had one for talking.

Sometimes Mary can keep the=20 count

If=20 it only goes to four.

But we all know how it will = go

If=20 the count is any more.

If=20 the music is too loud,

And the fan makes the room too=20 airy,

Don=92t look at me,

Let=92s all yell at = Mary!

Did you hear about the = Arbor

And the guy on Mary=92s = lap?

When I offered to sit = there,

She offered me a = slap.

Mary, please be = careful

In=20 everything you do,

=91Cause there=92s a guy in a white suit with = a=20
net,

And he=92s watching = you.

Mary won=92t do any = acrobatics,

She sure won=92t let us flip=20 her.

She=92s afraid the pants she=92s=20 wearing

Will have a frisky = zipper.

Big Jim and Mary came to = class

To=20 loosen up, you see,

Then off to Publix next they=20 went,

Just like Julie and = me.

Now I=92m not saying that their=20 cart

Was really loaded = down,

But I kept looking for the=20 bulldozer

He=20 used to push it around.

Now Mary Ferrill=92s kids have=20 gone,

And all that fun = too.

It=92s back to the real world=20 now

With all of us and = you.

Duke is writing a new = book,

About Mary=92s exercise = class,

And from what I hear, = Mary,

You had better go to = Mass.

Mary, we can see

What you have to do,

When Big Jim takes one = step,

You quickly must take = two.

Mary, the chimes on your = clock

Really work, they = say.

Your neighbor jumped right out of=20 bed

And that was 10 blocks = away.

Did you notice = lately

In=20 our 8 A.M.=20 circus,

That Mary has been telling = us

To=20 do the moves =93on purpose=94?

Did you notice Mary=92s = socks,

With the dolphins oh so=20 bright?

If=20 she went walking in the dark,

She wouldn=92t need a = light.

Mary deleted the airline=20 tickets

From their computer,

So=20 far she=92s lucky

Jim didn=92t shoot = her.

I=20 hear that they are friendly again,

They=92ve even started to = talk,

But on their vacation Jim=92s gonna=20 fly

But Mary has to = walk.

When Mary gives us an=20 exercise,

She also gives us the = amount,

Then half-way there she starts to=20 talk,

And there goes the = count!

We=20 know Jim Ferrill is dedicated,

His duties he does not = shirk,

Why he=92d even come out in a=20 storm

To=20 get Mary off to work!

Remember the morning that Mary came=20 in

With the big bag colored = pink?

If=20 she ever got in the boat with that,

The cotton picker would = sink.

When we first started = cadence,

We=20 just marched up and down the floor.

But now we have the = rhythm,

And Mary can count to = four.

You have to admit, it=92s an=20 education

To=20 listen to Mary teach.

Thank the Lord it=92s about=20 exercise,

Imagine if she wanted to=20 preach.

Mary, we are so glad

That you are learning to=20 count.

Why, the other day you made it to=20 10,

Now that=92s a good = amount.

How about the = exercise

That Mary gave Dr. = Ken,

The reason why she did this = is

She has trouble counting to=20 ten.

Mary, if there is an exercise =

I=20 think that should be cut,

It=92s the one where you bend=20 down

And then stick out your = butt.

The reason why I say = this

Shouldn=92t be done any more . . .=20

You almost put Dr. = Ken

Flat out on the = floor.

The reason Mary can=92t seem to=20 count,

To=20 some remains a puzzle,

But Dave and I have figured it=20 out,

All we need is a = muzzle.

If=20 you would like to see a sight

Line you=92ve never = seen,

It=92s Jim Ferrill = guarding

His garbage can over at Kelly=20 Green.

Big Jim, we want you to = know,

We=92re glad when you both are=20 here,

And, man, are we happy to have found a=20
= chair

Away from the = chandelier.

ROWING THE BOAT

Dave and Bud row the = boat

And we do this with = pride.

We=92re so good we even got = Mary

Clear to the other = side!

Betty, I have to tell = you,

You had better help row the=20 boat,

=91Cause the next time you want to cross over, = You may=20 have to ride a goat.

Did you ever notice

Smitty=92s little green = tote?

Could it be in case we=92re shipwrecked=20

In=20 our little boat?

Betty always wants us to row the=20 boat,

But she never picks up an = oar,

Either she helps to row that=20 booger,

Or=20 we=92re not leaving the shore.

When we go anywhere

And Mary is gonna = Row,

The very first thing we all should=20 do

Is=20 to notify Sea Tow!

Mary, if you want the boat to=20 go,

As=20 fast as it oughta,

Then put your cotton pickin=92=20 oars

Down in the water!

Mary didn=92t untie the = rope

Than hooked us to the = pier,

We=92ve all been rowing for an hour and a=20
=20 half,

And that=92s why we=92re still=20 here.

Michael did something bad to=20 Betty,

And it is plain to = see,

=91Cause she makes Michael row the=20 boat

Two times out of = three.

Betty, you and = Michael

Can go ahead and row the = boat.

But if Ike turns and comes = in,

You=92ll fly=85you won=92t = float.

We=20 row, row, row the boat

But it won=92t go like it=20 oughta,

=91Cause Mary won=92t let her dad-blamed=20 oars

Down into the water.

Mary, we know how to row the=20 boat,

Right down to the = letter,

But if we could put it in the=20 water,

We=20 would do a whole lot better.

I=20 hear we=92re getting a new boat,

And singing will make it = go=85

So, come on Paul, turn = loose

And we won=92t have to = row.

I=20 figure if we get that new boat,

That goes if you = sing,

I=92ll bet Paul and Dave doing a=20 duet

Would really move that = thing.

Keep your eye on = Betty,

Things are the same as = before.

She gives the order to row the=20 boat,

But she never touches an = oar.

THE CONVERTIBLE

Now Jane, if you want the=20 convertible

I=92ll tell you what to = do.

Just lock Dick in the = closet

And the car is waiting for=20 you.

When we saw Jane in class=20 today

And she was blowing her = nose,

We=20 thought she was riding with the top down

Without the proper = clothes.

But, no, we learned that=92s not the=20 case,

It=92s not like that by = far.

It=20 seems her husband is the one

Who=92s driving her = car.

Dick=92s riding around with the top=20 up

And it=92s just not the = same.

To=20 make it worse, the guy found out

That Jane=92s been praying for=20 rain.

Have you seen a red=20 convertible

With the top completely = down,

And Jane is in there = smiling

While driving =91round and=20 =91round?

She=92s getting a brand new license=20 plate

Replacing the one she=92s = got.

The new one is better and says it=20 all,

It=20 says . . . =93Why not?=94

I=20 saw Jane in the swimming pool

And getting mighty = brown.

But we=92d thought it was caused by the red=20
= convertible

When the top was = down.

Jane went down to the hardware=20 store,

And bought a chain and = hook,

She put it on Dick while he was=20 asleep,

Then the red convertible she=20 took.

I=20 hear Jane=92s riding around

In=20 her new red car,

Just smilin=92 and = wavin=92

Like a movie star.

They say = she has a=20 smile on her face

That = reaches plum=20 out

To outer = space.

T- SHIRTS

Did you see Janet=92s = T-shirt

With the red birds on the=20 front.

And did you see them flapping their=20 wings

Like a hawk that=92s on the = run?

Janet, I hate to tell = you,

But you cannot jump = around,

If=20 you want to keep those red birds

To=20 stay down on the ground.

Virg=92s T-shirt said = purrfect,

With the picture of a = cat.

I=20 asked my wife if I could pet it,

And she almost knocked me=20 flat.

For Labor Day, Janet=92s = T-shirt

Will be all red.

With a big flag on = it.

That=92s what she = said.

So=20 it doesn=92t matter

What comes from the = sky.

All she has to do is = move

And man that flag will=20 fly!

Virg had on her pink = T-shirt,

The one with the kitty = cat,

I=20 just looked and she swung at me,

All I did was look at the = cat.

Janet is wearing her T-shirt=20 backward

I=20 really don=92t know why.

The guy on the back was wiggling his=20 nose

And winking his right = eye.

I=20 saw a T-shirt down at the mall,

With a monkey on a = swing,

Can you imagine the = action

If=20 Janet put on that thing?

Janet=92s getting a T-shirt, with pogo=20 sticks

And kids all standing = around.

If=20 Janet even blinks her eyes,

They=92ll jump right out of=20 town.

Did you see Janet=92s patriotism=20

Was something to = behold?

The flag was flapping on her=20 T-shirt,

And it wasn=92t even on a=20 pole!

Did you see Janet on = Friday,

With the red bird on her=20 shirt?

The way that thing was flapping its=20 wings,

I=20 hope it didn=92t hurt.

Janet came to exercise = class,

And here=92s what she had to=20 say,

=93My T-shirt has no writing, or pictures and =
It won=92t=20 move in any way.=94

Now, if you believe that she said=20

Could actually be = true,

If=20 you want to own the Brooklyn Bridge,

Have I got a deal for = you!

There was no picture on Janet=92s=20 T-shirt

Not even a sparkly = sprinkle.

The only trick that she = did

Was the disappearing = wrinkle.

Janet has a new = T-shirt,

On=20 front is a water scene.

She makes that tide go up and=20 down

(If you know what I = mean).

Janet is getting a new=20 T-shirt,

This one has a picture of a=20 moon.

Bet ya it doesn=92t rise and set as good=20

As=20 the one with all the balloons.

Janet, I hear the = sheriff

Is=20 afraid something will get hurt,

So=20 he wants you to put a seatbelt

On=20 every T-shirt.

Janet, those plain T-shirts you=92re wearing=20

Are really letting us = down.

Even the balloons are = unhappy,

They don=92t even leave the=20 ground.

CLASSMATES
(make that=20 =93CHARACTERS!=94)

Mary, because so many of our=20 group

Asked me to continue the cadence=20 call,

I=92ll try to keep it = going=85

And get you one and = all.

Mary never worries about the=20 moves

That we are supposed to = do,

=91Cause Dave Ferguson will tell=20 us

And give us the count = too.

Myrtle comes to our = class

To=20 get her exercise,

And she found out that every=20 time

You can also get a = surprise.

Big Jim, we=92re glad you=92re back to=20 class

For everyone to see, =

Now you and Duke when we end a=20 song,

Can give use your =93Si=94 and=20 =93Oui=94.

Virginia saw a purple turtle

In=20 the Parkwood lake.

Makes me kind of = wonder

How many drinks did that = take?

Whenever Ray comes in, my=20 friend,

He=20 does not fool around,

His arms go in and = out

And his feet go up and = down.

Ray, I know coming to = exercise

May not all be the = best,

There is no doubt in our = mind

You=92d rather be in Key West.

Ray is back for another = day,

He=92s here to work or here to=20 play,

So=20 when he gets everything in gear,

You=92d better make sure his way is=20 clear.

When Mary tells Ray

The cadence to = start,

You know he does it

With all his heart.

First you hear his = feet

When they hit the = floor,

Then he barks out = the

Count one to = four.

When Virg and Marci are=20 together,

That, my friend, is a = pair.

But what really tops it = off

Is=20 Virg on that squeaky chair.

The other day I came to = class

And Dr. Ken was not = there.

Then Mary said he=92d be in=20 later

After the surgery on his = hair.

Duke, I=92m so happy to see = you

Straight across from = me,

=91Cause songs just don=92t seem to end=20 tight

Without your famous = =93Si=94.

If=20 we ever have a competition,

And keeping score sounds=20 appealing,

Just give Big Jim a = crayon

And he=92ll mark it on the=20 ceiling.

Mary, don=92t get = excited

If=20 I run out of the room.

It=20 won=92t be from a rifle shot

Or=20 cannon going =93Boom=94.

It=92ll be because Virginia,

As=20 sneaky as can be,

With her pinchy = fingers

Is=20 moving in on me.

There=92s things that happen,=20 Mary,

That you have never = seen.

Now if you want to see = action

Keep your eyes on = Erlene.

Dave gave us the funniest=20 class

That we=92ve had in = years,

The mute, fast forward and=20 reverse

Had the whole class in = tears.

OK, Duke, you=92ve wandered=20 enough,

So=20 get in class where you should be.

Remember you have an important=20 job,

We=20 count on you for =93Si=94.

Marci, I have to say = it,

You=92re doing just = fine.

Why the other day you came to=20 class

And you were right in = time.

Marcy and Virginia,

Be=20 good in all you do.

Cause every time you try to hit=20 Bud,

St. Peter=92s watching = you.

McCain says he can = face

Any kind of trauma,

=91Cause for a = vice-president,

He=20 has a moose-shootin=92 mama.

Betty comes to = exercise

With me and you,

But she=92s also a = member

Of=20 the big yard crew.

I=20 caught her yesterday

Along the Rosemont = ledges,

Pulling little vines = out

Of=20 all the hedges.

I=20 knew that sister Smitty

Was a gal with a lot of = class.

Did you see her new = sneakers.

They look like they=92re made of=20 glass.

It=20 makes me feel especially proud:

She=92s a Smitty just like = me.

They may have the Silver Dollar=20 City,

But we have Silver-Sneaker=20 Smitty.

Everyone has to = admit,

Paul is a man of his = word.

He=20 said he wouldn=92t sing

And not one note have we=20 heard.

We=20 know that Myrtle is on the way =

When we hear the rebel = yell.

So=20 open the door and get out of the way,

Make room for our Southern=20 Belle.

If=20 Virg comes up to me

With a smile on her = face,

The first thing I start looking=20 for

Is=20 a real good hiding place.

I=20 just gave Virg a great big hug,

Just to start the = day,

But, I still have to watch = her

Because she=92s sneaky in every=20 way.

As=20 for me, I=92m sure you know,

I=20 never gripe or grumble,

I=20 try to smile all the while

=91Cause, man, it=92s hard to be=20 humble.

Sister Smitty, I have to tell=20 you,

You=92re guarding your corner=20 well.

And if you decide to give Dave a=20 hit,

I=20 will never tell.

Seems Betty has a part time=20 job,

But no pay, she = alleges.

But there she was in all that=20 heat

Pulling vines out of the=20 hedges.

Today is Julie=92s = birthday

And she is just = fine.

She and Jack Benny

Are still = thirty-nine.

Virg and Sassy went to the = vet

To=20 get protection from the fleas,

Virg said everything went = OK

=91Til he sprayed her behind the=20 knees.

Now Virg has really=20 recuperated,

She=92s gotten a whole lot=20 better.

She made a fist and offered to show=20 me,

But I=92m not gonna let = her.

Virginia stands around

As=20 quiet as can be,

All the while figuring =

How to get to me.

So=20 please keep an eye on her,

And you will see

Why I holler,

=93Mary, Virginia=92s looking at=20 me.=94

If=20 you wonder why I=92m sitting here

So=20 quiet and never unruly,

I=92m only looking out for my=20 health,

I=92m sitting next to = Judy.

Big Jim raised his = hands

Straight up to the = ceiling,

Then all of a = sudden,

The chandelier he was = feeling.

Now we don=92t mind if = you

Touch that thing,

Just as long as you

Promise not to sing.

Because I=92m a quiet laid-back=20 person,

I=20 just can=92t see

Why it is when something=20 happens,

Everyone looks at = me.

St. Patty=92s Day is = coming,

And Mary Ferrill is the Irish=20 queen.

It=20 seems very appropriate since

She=92s the owner of Kelly=20 Green.

Marci, I don=92t care = if

You come in late.

Since now you pick on Virginia

And I think that=92s = great.

Marci=92s thumb is all messed=20 up.

We=20 sure do hope it will heal.

That cookie jar is one mean=20 bugger,

When cookies you try to = steal.

Dave and Jackie are finally=20 back

From cruising the ocean = blue.

You know they both have to be=20 sore

From riding that = kangaroo.

Dave and Dave across the = room

Bang their heads real = loud.

They stamp their feet to keep the=20 beat,

You can see that Mary is proud.=20

When Myrtle comes to = exercise,

She will hop, skip and = dance.

Last week she worked so doggone=20 hard,

She left without her = pants.

Doc Ken is smiling = now

=91Cause Mary Ruth is doing=20 fine.

This calls for a celebration,=20 Doc,

Do=20 you think we should chill the wine?

Marching can be a wonderful=20 thing,

But you=92d better do it = right

If=20 Julie is your drill instructor

Unless you want a = fight.

Nancy sits there across the = room

Right next to Dave and = Dave.

To=20 do that without a baseball bat,

She has to be brave.

Keep your eye on Virginia,

And, Mary, you will = see=85

It=92s her that=92s doing the=20 pinchin=92

It=92s not me.

Erlene and Lou went on a=20 cruise,

We=20 really don=92t know what transpired,

But when Erlene showed up at the exercise=20
= class,

Man, was she ever = tired!

I=20 hug sister Smitty

And we have lots of = fun,

But I=92m not about to mess with=20 her.

Have you ever seen her=20 son?

Myrtle introduced us to her=20 husband.

I=20 said, =93How do you do?

You sure don=92t look like the guy we saw last =
= week,

Are you husband one or = two?=94

Virg came in smiling this=20 morning,

For all the world to = see,

And there is no doubt in my=20 mind,

Things don=92t look good for = me.

Sister Smitty does a fine = job

With her Out and In,

And when she says, = =93Whatever.=94

We=20 know it is the end.

I=20 saw Myrtle

On=20 her bike.

It=92s only two wheels -- =

It=92s not a trike.

She had the wheels = going

=91Round and round,

And I=92m not sure

They were on the=20 ground.

Dody came to exercise = class

And soon sat down in her=20 chair,

And said =93Why are we walking back and=20
= forth?

We=20 don=92t go anywhere!=94

Duke just finished his second=20 book,

Now we=92re all sure the censors it=92ll=20 pass

And we can=92t wait to give it a=20 look.

Unless he mentions our exercise=20 class.

Jane came out of the pool=20 yesterday

And she was all = upset.

She said it looked a lot like=20 rain

And she didn=92t want to get=20 wet.

Myrtle, you are a = sight.

When you come through that=20 door

Sometimes I wonder if your=20 feet

Even hit the floor.

If=20 you were driving a race car,

We=20 would all stand up and cheer.

There=92s no doubt in our = mind,

You=92re flat out in high=20 gear.

We=92re happy to see = Dorothea,

And we=92re glad that she is=20 here,

But like a feather in a=20 windstorm

She may suddenly = disappear.

Exercise of any kind =

As=20 you know is really great.

Like when we yell and clap our=20 hands,

When Marci comes in = late.

=20 MARY and DAVE=20 FOUNTAIN

Mary Fountain, I have to tell=20 you,

In=20 combat I have been,

And you are as loud as a 155=20 cannon

When you yell out and = in.

The last time Mary = Fountain

Did her famous =93Out and = In=94,

Another worker ran for his=20 life

And hasn=92t been seen = again.

On=20 Wednesday, Mary Fountain

Didn=92t flinch, tickle or=20 goose,

Dave, you=92d better double the=20 guard,

I=20 know she didn=92t call a truce.

Mary Fountain is getting=20 stronger.

Why, she didn=92t even = flinch,

And I saw Dave when he gave=20 her

A=20 real good pinch.

Mary Fountain, I have to tell=20 you,

Your rendition of Out and = In

Cured the cook from the Palm=20 Grill

Of=20 ever passing here again.

Mary Fountain is fixing = turkey

For Dave on Thanksgiving Day, =

But Dave is going to give Mary a=20 goose

For her holiday.

We=92re glad that Dave and Mary are=20 back,

We=20 hear that their trip was sunny.

We=20 see that Dave=92s Pincher is working,

And Mar=92is still walking=20 funny.

Dave Fountain comes to=20 exercise,

And you know it=92s not for fun.=20

It=92s =91cause when Mary makes her=20 move,

He=20 wants to be able to run.

Mary asked her lady = friend,

If=20 she could tell her the time.

She looked straight down inside her=20 blouse,

And said =93It=92s a quarter past=20 nine.=94

Now Mary walks around with a=20 hand

Pressing on her = chest,

=91Cause David says of all their=20 clocks

This one he likes the = best.

If=20 Dave and Mary are holding hands

And =93just are having = fun,=94

All I can say is watch every=20 move

And get ready to = run.

Ray comes in to = exercise,

All hot and ready to = go,

But he=92d rather be in the Florida=20 Keys,

That we all know.

I=92ll have to tell you, Mary=20 Fountain,

You really can = shout.

The last time you did the=20 exercise

Five people ran out.

You did a heck of a = job,

You know what I = mean,

Not one of those = people

Has ever since been = seen.

Thank you to all --=20

And let=92s keep it=20 going!